


Catharsis

by EternalSinner



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Edelgard feels very guilty: the fic, F/F, Kissing, Massaging, and a wholesome one, post crimson flower AU, so it felt unfitting, talks about power dynamics, the au is that Rhea lives, this was gonna be porn with feelings but the feelings outmatched the pron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29305974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalSinner/pseuds/EternalSinner
Summary: Having lost the final battle which ended the war, Rhea is left heavily injured. It's the kind of injury that may take several years to heal properly. Done by the hands of Edelgard no less. Yet the Emperor doesn't treat her cruel, instead Rhea feels more like a guest at Enbarr, even getting her own chair on Edelgard's council.Still her feelings of resentment won't fade, though over the months Edelgard is making that increasingly hard with her kind and almost shy behavior.Rhea knew something would burst between them sooner or later and when Edelgard enters her room one day, one glance at the woman's eyes reveal that that day will be today.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/Rhea
Comments: 16
Kudos: 62





	Catharsis

**Author's Note:**

> I always try not to write about painful topics which happen irl, as I enjoy a lot of angst but rather not enjoy that over peoples backs, so Rhea keeps her dignity and all the angst comes from El.

When Edelgard had announced a rebellion against her and the Church Rhea had expected to end it fairly quickly.

After all, it wasn’t the first time someone tried.

And it wouldn’t be the last.

She hadn’t expected it to go on for years.

She hadn’t expected the Agarthans, hadn’t seen how they had manipulated and empowered her for years, hidden in the shadows.

She hadn’t expected Byleth to end up leading forces against her either. Not with her Mother’s Crest stone inside her. But Byleth had a strong will of her own, yet lacked the knowledge to see the whole picture, that war and death hadn’t been the only option.

It hardly matters now. 

Over the many years of her life Rhea had gotten careless, blind to what was boiling underneath the surface. Too focused on herself, to bring back her Mother because then everything would be alright again at once.

That didn’t happen.

Het last major flaw had been that for so long she was convinced she had been untouchable.

She hadn’t been, not at all.

Once it became apparent to her she was _losing_ the war she had fully expected to be killed on the battlefield.

Even a saint can die by a sword, after all.

It had been the Emperor who had dealt the final blow. Her side cleaved open by an axe the owner didn’t have the right to wield.

She remembers losing blood quickly while her eyes remained trained on Edelgard, fully intent on her being the last thing Rhea would see before death took her.

But then Edelgard had ordered her to be captured instead. She had been at her weakest, so gravely injured she had to be kept artificially alive with magic until they had managed to fully stop the bleeding hours later.

Even after having been saved Rhea had expected to be executed. Publicly and with a grand ceremony so that the Empire could symbolically do away with the faith once and for all.

But that hadn’t happened either.

There had been no torture, no interrogation, no punishment whatsoever. Not even a prison cell.

But she was a prisoner though, in anything but name.

Because Edelgard had decided to be _merciful._

The thought still disgusted Rhea.

It was painfully obvious to her that Edelgard letting her advice the Empire on matters of state and religion wasn’t out of the goodness of her heart but solely because she wanted to let her people know that they wouldn’t be forbidden to believe in the Goddess, that the Archbishop was right there on her council to help her ‘reform’ the faith into what Edelgard liked to describe as a more free version of religion.

Free from being herded by the words of the Goddess and straight into being oppressed by the Empire instead. Nothing but a wolf in sheep’s clothing, in Rhea’s humble opinion.

On her bad days she wished she had just been throw into a prison cell, at least then she could have properly felt pity for herself.

But no, she had been given lavish chambers to stay in and was free to roam around the palace in Enbarr.

Yet she opted to leave her chambers as little as possible, much to Edelgard’s chagrin.

Not like she could go anywhere, at least not without being seen as utterly weak and defeated.

The last thing Rhea hadn’t expected was how vulnerable she truly was to weapons made of her own brethren.

When Amyr cleaved into her side she had felt something fracture inside her. At once her magic diminished to nothing, even robbing her of her ability to transform as she crumpled onto the ground with a gurgled scream. Even Edelgard had seemed utterly shocked.

She hadn’t even been going for the kill, Rhea realized much later.

And now, nearly a year after the war, she still hadn’t regained the use of her legs, not properly.

It will come back to her eventually. She can feel her cells fighting to reconnect what has been severed inside yet, but it might take years depending on the circumstances. Her last resort, the Nabatean sleep, is still an option but seeing as she is stuck in Enbarr and with no safe place to hide from everyone and rest she refuses.

So in the first months past the war her life revolved around refusing to sit in that _damnable chair_ as much as possible –which meant close to never- loathing everything whenever she tried to walk and felt like death three steps in as she heavily leaned on crutches for support, endless council meetings that were more entertaining she was willing to admit to herself and last of all, _Edelgard._

Because for some reason that damnable woman would not leave her be.

Or rather, Rhea had figured out the reason quite some time ago and simply refused to let Edelgard have her way.

At first she had thought it had been pity and had been appalled by the very idea of it.

But now she well understood that instead of pity Edelgard felt nearly overcome with _guilt_.

Why it was specifically Rhea she felt guilt for and not the hundreds of people she had personally slain eluded Rhea. She considered that perhaps it was merely because she was the only visible proof of the pain Edelgard had caused that the girl was confronted with on a near daily basis.

It had started after several months, when Rhea had done away with the chair and even the crutches most of the time and now heavily relied on a cane for walking short distances.

First with lingering glances during meetings, with Edelgard’s eyes holding more emotion than they would usually have in them, then it turned into Edelgard fumbling terribly with her words as she tried to speak with Rhea about anything that wasn’t politics or superficial small talk.

Despite Rhea’s attempts to rebuff her, feigning disinterest as much as possible, the girl was unyielding in her need to connect with Rhea and before she really knew it Rhea had relented and let the Emperor in.

Which meant into her room as well, as Edelgard took to bringing her books, coming her solely to talk with her about something that had piqued her interest or just to check on how Rhea was doing.

It had been more pleasant than Rhea had anticipated.

But Edelgard’s guilt would not leave her, always boiling just underneath her skin. Hidden underneath her kind words, confined to silences and some kind of need in her eyes.

Rhea knew that eventually Edelgard wouldn’t be able to bear it longer, that she would succumb to her emotions no matter how good the woman had gotten in repressing them, and that something would change between them.

When Edelgard entered her room on one day, Rhea immediately noticed the storm brewing inside the woman’s mind, her eyes were lifeless, numb even yet there was a feverish turmoil hidden underneath those vacant eyes.

Rhea knew then that on this day something would change between them.

Perhaps what fragile peace they had would utterly shatter or it was possible this would help them grow, perhaps even heal. As improbable Rhea thought it might be, maybe the both of them could finally be truthful with one another. What Rhea most feared was that whatever would transpire between them would leave permanent scars in their hearts and they would never see eye to eye again because of the pain they’d carry with them forever.

“Rhea,” came the quiet but calculated voice. Edelgard, always in control, her posture, her eyes the tone of her voice and the emotions she allowed to bleed into it. All of it was planned.

But this time Rhea immediately felt drawn to the tension and a blazing need for something Edelgard cannot convey into words.

“Good evening, Edelgard,” she says with a soft smile, her eyes lingering only for a moment on the Emperor, who stood fierce as always in a simple but tightly fitted red dress, arms clasped behind her back, chin up and her feet in a balanced so she could maintain that domineering presence she always shrouded herself it.

Because that was all that was. A shroud. There was no desire for dominance, for ruling ordering, in Edelgard’s eyes, and neither was it in her soul.

She merely figured out how to hold herself in such a way other people had come to see her as powerful, and by this point she truly was powerful. Reigning over the most powerful nation in Fodlan, negotiating with pragmatic precision with the other two countries, now led by Claude and Dimitri, ordering everyone from minor foot soldiers and servants to politicians at her court all the way up to her closest ally and confidant, Hubert.

But when Rhea looks at the girl now she can see most of that has been stripped from Edelgard today. Only the mask stays in place, the imposing posture with which almost haunted eyes peer through the mask.

There is fear in her eyes, Rhea can tell. Is Edelgard afraid of her? Or perhaps the girl fears something inside herself and is struggling with herself if she should say it out loud or not. It could even be something that happened to her prior to the day that put her in this odd yet intense mood.

“Come a little closer,” Rhea says gesturing to a chair standing close to the sofa, placed in such a direction so that someone who sits on it could easily talk with Rhea who is usually occupying the sofa.

Edelgard begins to walk yet instead of going for the chair she moves until she’s standing directly in front of Rhea, their knees almost close enough to touch.

Rhea peers up in those lilac eyes and sees a turmoil of conflicting emotions in them, nearly bursting at the seams and close to slipping through her mask.

For a short moment Rhea considers her options. Was she ready for this? She didn’t need to think about that for very long, she had been anticipating this for quite some time now after all. Then, what should she say? Too much and Edelgard would flee, too little and Edelgard would feel too dejected to be able to let her mask crumble and spill her emotions to Rhea.

An idea struck Rhea. For so long now Edelgard had been attempting to care for Rhea, to bring her things, make her life more pleasant, visit without ever having been told what it was that Rhea wanted from her. She considered the chance that Edelgard was desperately in need for guidance on what to do very likely, and Edelgard would probably find an odd sort of peace in Rhea offering her an anchor to pull her up from the depths into which she had been drowning in for so long and with no direction.

“Edelgard,” Rhea said and wanted until the girl met her eyes. There was something burning in those intense lilac orbs. Edelgard _wanted._ She had likely wanted so many things over the years, yet only a flicker in her eyes would betray her, the one tell she couldn’t purge and fully snuff out inside herself.

But now her eyes were burning, and if they were a reflection of how the rest of Edelgard felt, it wasn’t farfetched to think that all of Edelgard was burning.

“Edelgard I want you to act on your feelings,” Rhea said. “Right now I need you to do exactly what your emotions want you to do.” It wasn’t an order, but there was enough need in her own voice that it was apparent to Edelgard –who flustered and whose eyes widened at once- Rhea was offering her the choice to do so or to leave the room in shame.

The younger woman stared into Rhea’s own eyes for a long moment. Rhea could see the embers of defiance in the girl flare up for being all but ordered to do something briefly, then they died out and at once Edelgard was surrounded by those defensive walls she had crafted for herself, to protect her from feeling too much, from getting hurt.

Lastly the walls crumbled too –likely by Edelgard’s conscious effort- and Rhea saw that longing again, stronger than before, yet there was still something holding Edelgard back.

“Edelgard, I want that as much as you do,” Rhea says, guessing that the last vestiges of Edelgard’s crumbling threshold revolved around Rhea’s feelings and the fear Edelgard would trespass Rhea’s boundaries.

Something in Edelgard cracked, although it was barely visible. The look in her eyes became more determined while another part of het seemed to feel defeated, resigned even, as if she had finally accepted to herself she lost the war that had been waging within herself. Finally there was hint of relief seen in her, as if she could finally let go.

Whatever Rhea had expected, it wasn’t the Emperor of Adrestia slowly and gracefully kneeling in front of her, lowering herself delicately and folding her legs until both of her knees rested on the stone floor with her legs tugged underneath them. Her arms hovered in the air for a short moment, right around Rhea’s knees, before Edelgard abruptly took them down and folded them neatly in her lap.

Once seated properly Edelgard looked up, with reddened cheeks and a demure, pliant demeanor. The storm in her eyes was just as intense yet now it seemed to have a focus, as if it knew it was getting close to being freed.

“You’re kneeling for me,” Rhea states, an edge to her tone that’s hardly noticeable because the surge of _want_ made her voice sound much more fondly. Carefully leaning slightly backwards Rhea’s back comes to rest against the sofa, and to ensure she wouldn’t actually start moving her fingers through Edelgard’s loose tresses.

“I am,” Edelgard says softly. Her cheeks are reddening yet there is a fierce determination in her voice and Rhea cannot recognize any doubt or regret in her decision to have knelt before the former Archbishop.

“Emperors are not supposed to kneel Edelgard,” Rhea chides her in a gentle, almost melodious voice in which she cannot quite suppress the intensity that all of this is beginning to make her feel. If people were to see Edelgard like this her image would take a hit, rumors would spread for months. Emperors aren’t people, as Archbishop herself, Rhea knows this all too well. They cannot be themselves, they are an idol for the people and forced to act as such. They can’t show weakness.

Yet here Edelgard is.

“I know,” comes the equally soft reply, though Edelgard seems almost relieved she can admit her trespassing to Rhea.

“Why are you kneeling for me, Edelgard? Emperors kneel for no one, and certainly not someone they hold power over.”

Rhea catches a tremor coursing through Edelgard, the most prominent tell being how her shoulders flex before they relax again. “Because for quite some time now I’ve felt an urge inside me grow which is telling me that I needed to do this, that I _need_ this,” comes the answer in the form of a fragile voice, with her so ruthlessly repressed emotions beginning to bleed through.

The girl raises her head to meet Rhea’s eyes once more. There is defiance in them, but she’s not defying Rhea right now. She’s defying something dark and ugly within herself. “And right now as I’m kneeling here before you I don’t feel as if I hold power over you at all,” she says quietly, struggling to keep her voice steady because all of the emotions inside her threatening to distort it.

Rhea is quiet as she looks at the woman below her. She’d be content with simply looking for quite some time but the need to reach out to Edelgard is growing rapidly, becoming nearly impossible to resist.

Her hand finds its way to the op of Edelgard’s head. Her hair is loose today, with nothing but a lilac ribbon tying the tresses, which would otherwise frame Edelgard’s face, behind her head.

When Rhea gently rakes her fingertips over the soft white hair Edelgard makes a soft noise followed by a long sigh, as of some of the stress currently riddling her mind and robbing her of coherent thought is slightly dissipating by the mere sensation of Rhea’s fingertips moving through her hair.

“Do you enjoy feeling as if you have no power over me, Edelgard?” Rhea says, her voice low and composed but with increasing intensity in it.

Edelgard ducks her head slightly lower, perhaps in shame. “Joy is not the word I would use,” she murmurs towards the ground. “It feels good,” she says instead. “Right even, as if this is how it should be.” The girl stills after that yet the tension that’s coiling inside her is still palpable. “It feels as I deserve it,” she adds in an almost shameful exhale, her voice barely more than a whisper.

“That’s because you do deserve it, Edelgard.”

Rhea doesn’t miss the tremor coursing through the smaller woman’s body, followed by a shaky inhale.

“I do,” comes the trembling response. “I need to feel what I deserve.”

“Hmm, and what is it that will let you feel that, besides kneeling?” Rhea ponders out loud, beginning to play with Edelgard’s hair near the base of her skull more actively.

Edelgard shudders before she manages to put herself back together. “Your legs,” she mutters. “How do they feel today?”

“The same,” Rhea answers easily, “My right one aches more than the left one, as per usual.” She feels a jolt of satisfaction when Edelgard visibly winces in guilt for only a second.

“Then…” Edelgard starts and immediately falters.

“Then what, Edelgard?” Rhea tells the kneeling Emperor. “Tell me what you want.”

“Can I… can I touch your legs?” Edelgard asks, both wistfully and in shame.

The request came unexpected, thought maybe Rhea should have seen it coming. She contemplates the idea. She touches her own legs on a daily basis, to help the blood flow, to ensure the muscles get less tense and at least gets some movement.

The idea of someone else doing it for her sounds terribly off putting.

But the idea of _Edelgard_ doing it sounds utterly tantalizing.

“Take of your gloves she says,” not as an order but as a compromise. If Edelgard wants to touch her legs then Rhea wants to feel the woman’s hands on her bare skin.

Edelgard stiffens and Rhea can see the hesitation, the voice inside the girl screaming her not comply fighting with Edelgard’s desire to go through with what she so badly longs for.

Another shaky exhale and with almost clumsy finger work Edelgard tugs of her white silk gloves.

The reason for Edelgard’s hesitation before she complied is immediately apparent as her hands are marred with scars. Old scare tissue which never healed properly. Deep cuts into her fingers, evidence that something sharp and big had been gauged through her hands, even the small part of Edelgard’s wrists which Rhea can see have several thin, jagged lines crossing over them.

When Rhea catches the anxiety, bordering on paralyzing fear, marring Edelgard’s expression she decides not to mention the odd scars for now, unwilling to pry too deep into Edelgard’s traumatic past today. She already vaguely knows what happened to Edelgard and her deceased siblings, enough to know that that’s where the scars come from, along with the deep scars inside Edelgard’s heart.

Instead Rhea smiles reassuringly at her and pulls her skirt upwards, the white, flowing cotton long enough to fall to her ankles, until the fabric is bunched up on her lap, revealing her legs all the way to the beginning of her upper thighs.

Gingerly, almost too afraid to touch Rhea, Edelgard places both her hands on the Saint’s skin just underneath her bended knees, before looking up with uncertain and fearful eyes.

“Go ahead,” is all that Rhea tells her, purposely sounding as composed and unaffected by Edelgard’s newfound courage to touch her as possible.

But it does feel incredible to have the girl submitting herself before her.

With ‘go ahead’ Edelgard had taken this as permission to touch Rhea’s legs in whichever way she felt was appropriate for the occasion.

And so Rhea failed to stifle a gasp at the pleasant sensation of feeling Edelgard’s hand gently squeeze the back of her leg, instantly concluding that if someone else is massaging her sensitive and weakened legs it felt much _much_ better.

Edelgard glances up momentarily and her piercing eyes full of need search Rhea’s face for any sight of disapproval. When all Rhea does is stare back with expectantly and with the faintest of smiles on her lips the kneeling Emperor ducks her head back down, giving Rhea a brief moment to see her fluster, and tentatively repeats the motion. When Rhea remains silent Edelgard continues, dutifully kneading the tense muscles on the back of Rhea’s legs in a slow, steady rhythm.

She works her way up methodically, somehow sensing just what muscles are so tense that squeezing them and holding her fingers like that tightly for a few seconds helps alleviating the tension and soreness in them, while parts of Rhea’s legs get far more delicate touches, sometimes nothing more than Edelgard’s fingers gently pressed into her skin as the younger woman drags them up and down.

It’s almost hypnotic how good it feels and Rhea nearly lets her mind drift, with soft sighs slipping from her mouth whenever Edelgard does something that feels particularly pleasant. It’s only when she feels a surge of _want_ inside her that tells her how much she longs for more of this addictive tension between them that she manages to focus again.

“Tell me Edelgard, what would you call this?”

Edelgard keeps her head down as she speaks, “I’m massaging your legs,” she mutters with aching vulnerability in her quiet words, tentatively continuing her ministrations. “I thought perhaps it would help you.”

“Then why you?” Rhea questions, this time more sharply. “Why not one of your servants or healers, they must be far more experienced in these matters, while an Emperor likely has far more pressing matters which far more worthy to spend their time on doing.”

“It has to be me,” Edelgard says, the tone of her voice conveying a determined sort of finality.

Rhea has to repress a shiver as she can hear through Edelgard’s voice how bright the fire inside her is currently burning.

“Why,” she questions, her own longing to fuel this tension now apparent in her voice.

“I just… I feel this need… to do something. To show myself to you in this state.” Her eyes meet Rhea’s and Rhea feels something hot surge through her with how fragile and open Edelgard looks. “I have this need in me but I don’t understand it.”

It’s not the first time Rhea finds herself wondering if Edelgard understands any of her own emotions, or rather, if she’s even aware of the fact that no matter how hard she tried to suppress them, burying them into nothingness, that they’re _still there_ and that she has always been acting much on her own feelings instead of the pragmatic, weapon-like Emperor she molded herself to be.

With a soft sound of understanding, the only tell she gives Edelgard that her words were heard, Rhea continues touching Edelgard as well, her fingers now raking through soft white hair, occasionally lightly scratching her scalp. The sensation evokes soft noises from Edelgard, which she tries to stifle as she diligently continues massaging Rhea’s legs, the younger woman’s only way she can somewhat convey the storm of feelings inside her that she cannot seem to put into words.

Rhea lets Edelgard continue for a while, enjoying not only the feeling itself but also the way all of this makes her feel so powerful, a feeling that had been taken from her the moment Edelgard tore into her flesh with Amyr.

For so many years, centuries Rhea had been in one of the highest positions of power. People respected her, revered her, obeyed her and while it had been lonely, that control had been what kept her going, kept her sane as she tried to find a way to bring her Mother back while spending her days struggling to keep Fodlan in a balanced stare, as unaltered as possible until her Mother would finally return and take over from Rhea once more.

But after that final battle Rhea was left weak. Utterly weak in a way she had never expect to be so painful. She felt weak, she looked weak, she _was_ weak and not just physically, all the power she had wielded, all the control she used to have over the way Fodlan would ebb and flow that had made her feel safe was now completely torn from her.

Only when she joined Edelgard’s council meetings was there still a fraction of the innate power she once radiated. All members but Edelgard and her vassal would still talk to her with respect, take her words as wise and worthy of consideration. Often they even found it hard to talk back to her, let alone argue with a point she’d bring up.

But once the meeting was over Rhea was left feeling utterly weak again. Always she waited until she was the last in the room and only then would she reach for her crutches, strain herself to stand up and limp back to the safe confines of her chambers.

She hated being seen as weak. She wanted control over something, anything at all, just so she wouldn’t constantly feel so powerless.

And right now Edelgard was handing Rhea power over herself on a silver platter, deliberate or not Rhea couldn’t tell. But what she could tell is how much Edelgard needed it, just as she did.

“Do you feel guilt, Edelgard?” she says, curling a lock of white hair around her fingers.

“…I do yes,” Edelgard mumbles and leans her forehead to rest against Rhea’s knee. A hollow chuckle. “I’m drowning in it.”

“And is touching me like this alleviating your guilt?”

A sad soft laugh is the response. “No, I will never do this for those reasons,” Edelgard says, her demeanor more steadfast. “I will never stop feeling guilty without your permission.”

“Good,” Rhea tells her in a low voice, a smile forming on her lips for how _rightful_ this feels.

Rhea might have lost everything, but the most powerful woman on the planet is kneeling for her, all but worshipping her even, and so while Rhea might have little actual power left, she has a lot of power over Edelgard. Even if it’s just in this small bubble they created, as Rhea has no optimistic fantasies Edelgard will suddenly let Rhea dictate councils from now on.

No, but having power over Edelgard’s emotions feels incredibly good on its own. And by the way Edelgard almost melts under her touch and words Rhea thinks it’s not all that unlikely it feels exactly the same for her, for once not being pragmatic, dominant, curt and instead to simply let her humble herself.

Rhea is only jolted from her thoughts and pleasurable feelings that came with it when she feels Edelgard’s lips press against her knee. It makes her aware Edelgard had continued massaging her legs a while ago, with her head still leaning against the same knee she just pressed her lips against.

“What are you doing Edelgard?” she says with little emotion in her voice as she lightly tugs at Edelgard’s hair on the back of her skull, making the younger woman tilt her head upwards.

She looks startled and flusters at once as her hands still completely. “I don’t know,” she whispers, ashamed of herself. “I’m sorry,” she mutters as she averts her gaze, glancing downwards without moving her head.

“I didn’t say you could stop, Edelgard,” Rhea tells the conflicted woman beneath her, the words not a command solely because she said them with too much gentleness. “I only asked you what you were doing,” she adds, still gentle but this time more firmly.

Edelgard flusters and steadily remains looking at the ground between her legs. “I kissed your knee,” she mutters in shame.

The girl seems frozen on the spot, with fear in her eyes and only able to maintain eye contact with Rhea because her hair is still being held.

Rhea isn’t quite sure what she should say now either. But her feelings help her decide.

“Good, I just wanted you to realize what you did,” she murmurs lowly as she lets go of Edelgard’s hair. “Now, keep going.”

Edelgard’s eyes widen in surprise and for a moment she’s too paralyzed to move. When a blush creeps onto her face she nods softly and uses the opportunity to duck her head down, away from Rhea’s piercing eyes.

Rhea hadn’t entirely envisioned what she expected Edelgard to do when she told the young Emperor to continue and so because of her lack of foresight she had to stifle a gasp when she feels soft lips tentatively on the skin of her leg again, this time slightly below her knee.

With her throat suddenly very dry and unable to tear her eyes away from the sight Rhea idly watches Edelgard achingly slowly continue to kiss her leg downwards. The heat flaring up in her stomach is not at all helping her feeling less tense and she feels utterly torn by condescendingly telling Edelgard to stop this ridiculous display and making some sort of comment about how the girl is humiliating herself in exactly the way she deserves to.

It’s only when she feels Edelgard’s hands on the back of her leg again, gently massaging the sensitive muscles that the tension coiling inside her dissipates somewhat. Without giving it much thought she leans back against the sofa and, with considerable effort, stretches her legs forward slightly, giving Edelgard a better angle to continue… whatever it is she’s currently doing.

It occurs to Rhea that getting what one feels they deserve often feels really good. Freeing even, as the heavy burden on your shoulders becomes lighter. One look at Edelgard, who looks devoted to her task and seems to have forgotten anything but her and Rhea exist, gives her the feeling that in a distorted way, Edelgard is indeed feeling incredibly good.

Edelgard kisses and massages further in a slow but steady pace, making Rhea feel even more affected as she knows that no spot will go left untouched. A few minutes in Edelgard is kissing down the front of her ankle, a truly humble position she’s in now. One of her hands stops massaging and instead pulls down the edge of Rhea’s pantofle, the soft white evening shoe easily bending, and Edelgard places a kiss on her foot. Briefly she looks up and Rhea forgets to breathe when she sees the small, almost amused, smile there. With a quiet giggle Edelgard ducks her head down again, placing one more kiss on Rhea’s foot before moving to the other and repeating the process.

As Edelgard works her way up again Rhea’s mind is in disarray with no clear thoughts whatsoever. It’s pleasant and intense, though also relaxing in an odd way. She can’t keep track of time, can’t really talk unless she jolts herself out of this state and simply lets herself savor the moment.

Some of the frustrations that had been bottling up inside Rhea seem to evaporate and lessen along with the tension leaving her muscles. Her anger and resentment towards Edelgard take on a new form too, one where they are contained entities within her rather than bleeding through every facet of her thoughts and feelings.

Edelgard humbling herself like this might have been the catharsis both of them needed, she vaguely realizes.

She can’t get herself to speak, as no words come to her and even if they did she would surely break the unspoken rules that currently hang heavily in the air and shatter the illusion. Still a content, long moan escapes her lips and she only even realizes that she did so when she feels Edelgard tremble, freeze and hesitantly looking up at her.

It’s the vulnerable, fearful look in her eyes that makes Rhea impulsively bend over slightly to reach and put a stray lock of hair behind the girl’s ear. With wide eyes and her mouth agape Edelgard just stares back at her, evoking a smile from Rhea in reassurance. It’s only then that it occurs to her that this isn’t completely about needing to feel some sort control again once more, as there is also a gentleness in her that simply seeks a connection with Edelgard. Not for the first time the gnawing feeling that Edelgard could understand her on a deeper level than others can enters her mind.

Perhaps in her own way the Emperor already does.

Rhea’s smile had the intended effect of soothing Edelgard’s anxiousness and doubt, as some of the tension slips from her expression before she bows her head again.

“I’m sorry for burdening you with my guilt,” Edelgard murmurs as she continues to work her way up Rhea’s leg again. “It’s not fair, it’s not just you who suffered because of me,” she continues in between kisses, her voice dull with lingering pain. “So many died at my hand, or because of me… even for me.” She pauses her ministration, only keeping her hands on Rhea’s leg as she looks up. “It’s just… no one judges me for it. Even those who opposed me, opposed the war, only look to the future now and while they condemn my actions no one condemns _me._ ”

Rhea watches her jaw clench as she strains herself to keep her composure. “I feel… riddled with sin yet I don’t have to atone for everything. I’m supposed to keep on living… I never really imagined living a life past the war. I didn’t have to feel during the war, only march on without looking back, but now there is so much peace and quiet my feelings won’t leave me be and my memories haunt me.”

Her hands feverishly stroke up and down Rhea’s leg and it’s only because of Edelgard spilling her emotions that she manages to keep herself from making another sound. “You don’t deserve having to forcibly accept my guilt,” Edelgard says in a voice barely above a whisper. “But it feels as if only you understand me and the weight of my sins well enough that you can judge me.” She lowers her head again averting her gaze as she rests her forehead against Rhea’s knee dejectedly. “And I need someone to judge me, to say my thoughts out loud to and tell me what I’ve become.”

Something finally cracks in Rhea and it snaps her out of her stupor. Feelings surge through her as she realizes that she indeed understands Edelgard well enough to judge her, yet it’s not judgment she feels. It’s not forgiveness either, nor compassion.

It’s recognition.

Her hand finds its way to the Emperor’s chin and lifts her head as gently as she can. “You’re too harsh on yourself Edelgard,” she tells the trembling young woman. “You are much more than the crimes you committed.”

Tears well up in Edelgard’s eyes as she gazes up at Rhea with something desperate in her expression. Unwilling to make the girl feel as if Rhea is forcing her to look at her she moves her hand to cup Edelgard’s cheek instead, carressing her skin softly with her thumb. “If you don’t know how to live now that the war is over then use that guilt of yours as fuel to try your hardest to make the world a better place,” Rhea tells her.

Edelgard’s eyes glaze over slightly as some of her inner pain seems to temporary evaporate. With a sigh she leans into Rhea’s hand and closes her eyes. “Perhaps I can dedicate myself to that then,” Edelgard says softly.

Seeing the Emperor so enthralled by her words feels good to say the least, yet suddenly the way Edelgard is deliberately placing herself below Rhea, humbling herself and making it seem as if she’s less feels utterly wrong.

She moves her hand from Edelgard’s face and instead opens it in front of her. “Come,” she says. “Sit next to me.”

Edelgard blinks once, twice, looking confused and almost scared before she tentatively places her hand in Rhea’s.

It’s mostly Rhea guiding Edelgard to sit next to her, as her legs simply do not have the strength to help the rest of her body pull up the Emperor. As Edelgard rises from her knees she lets Rhea guide her to sit on the sofa, choosing to side sideways and leaning her head against the back pillow as she glances at Rhea bashfully.

Rhea moves her hand to the side of Edelgard’s arm as she begins to brush up and down slowly.

“What has gotten into you?” she wonders as Edelgard stares vacantly at her, a light blush on her cheeks as she seems in an almost dreamlike state. She might as well ask herself the same question.

Edelgard chuckles lightly and smiles. “You mostly. I haven’t gotten you out of my head for weeks now.” She laughs but it’s only to soothe her own mind after her odd confession.

Rhea feels taken aback by the girl’s honesty yet her hand doesn’t even falter in its ministrations. Instead she even returns the smile. In turn Edelgard seems to find confidence in Rhea’s smile as without hesitation she grabs Rhea’s other hand from its place on her lap and brings it to her lips, placing light kisses on it.

Rhea’s breath stills and she’s helpless to do anything but watch. Finally she’s no longer able to deny the absurdly sensual atmosphere between them and suddenly something in her boils over.

“If you’re so adamant to keep putting your lips all over my body I’m going to want you to kiss my lips,” she finds herself saying.

Edelgard takes it different than Rhea intended, panic filling her eyes as she looks startled. “I’m sorry,” she mutters stiffly as she lowers Rhea’s hand. “I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry I-”

“Edelgard,” Rhea interrupts her, only continuing once Edelgard tentatively meets her gaze. “It was an offer, not a threat.”

The younger woman’s eyes widen as her still flustered expression takes on a new meaning. “You really wouldn’t mind?” she asks insecurely but just a tad too eager Rhea can’t help but laugh inwardly.

“I see you’ve thought about this before,” she smiles in amusement, enjoying having the upper hand again.

Edelgard glances away in shame. “Only about wanting it, I didn’t imagine _doing_ it I assure you,” she clarifies yet it only works to amuse Rhea more as she can’t help but picture a frustrated Edelgard trying very hard not to think of kissing Rhea. “But I can’t deny wanting it has crossed my mind… more than once,” Edelgard admits, struggling hard to look at Rhea.

“Well then what are you waiting for?”

Now Edelgard does glance at her, looking Rhea over for any signs of unease or deception. Rhea is sure Edelgard can’t find any of that. Although, maybe she was expressing the intense sensations she as suddenly all too aware she’s feeling more than she thought as Edelgard rather abruptly jerks her body forward, leaning towards Rhea, but stops herself and remains staring at her awkwardly.

“I can’t do it,” she mumbles stiffly. “I’m too scared.”

Rhea smirks, finding Edelgard’s floundering more than endearing at this point. Her reaction causes Edelgard to feel even more insecure as she moves back with a guilty expression on her face. “Nevermin-”

She interrupts herself with a yelp as Rhea grabs her dress just under her neckline and pulls her forward. “Rude, making me do all the work,” she says before leaning in.

For a few moments Edelgard remains completely still as Rhea kisses her and before Rhea closes her eyes she can see the girl’s eyes are wide with shock, once Rhea begins to slowly move her lips against those of Edelgard the other woman melts as she surrenders into the kiss with a whimper.

The last remnants of amusement and endearment at Edelgard’s reactions evaporate inside Rhea when she feels fingers clutch tightly onto the fabric of her shirt around her waist and instead a fire lights up throughout her body.

Edelgard seems to have a fire lit inside her now as well, she follows Rhea’s movement with gentle precision. It’s slow and predictable but that’s exactly what Rhea –and likely Edelgard as well- need right now. A slowly building fire that they can add more fuel to when they feel the need.

Wrapping her arm around Edelgard, with her had firmly against the woman’s back, Rhea brings Edelgard closer to her. Without breaking the kiss Rhea leans over slightly and with the help of a guiding hand on her back Edelgard leans over, grabbing on to Rhea’s shoulder for leverage as she leans over Rhea’s legs.

With her legs so weak Rhea can’t do much more than sit with those, but with the arm still around Edelgard’s back Rhea pulls her body tightly against her own chest while her free hand snakes into Edelgard’s hair, combing through white locks which evoke even more sounds from Edelgard.

Their kiss deepens and Rhea dips into the sensual and the intense. Edelgard gasps, causing Rhea to open her eyes.

The girl’s eyes are open as well, but they’re hazy and unfocused with an urgency brimming under the surface. 

“Please don’t stop,” Edelgard rasps, her voice muffled against Rhea’s lips as the kiss was getting close to breaking.

Gladly acting on Edelgard’s demand, Rhea closes her eyes and focuses on kissing Edelgard once more.

She needed this, she realized. The intimacy, the warmth, the fire that’s burning away the dust and cobwebs inside her, she needed it all. But most of all she needed _Edelgard_ for this. For so long now has she been at the mercy of others, Edelgard prime among those. But now she feels fully in control, and Edelgard is so very willing in giving Rhea her that control.

As fervently as she’s kissing Rhea back, all she’s doing is follow. Rhea dictates what happens, is the one who leads and controls the pace, that small bit of control is the greatest thing Edelgard could have given her.

Perhaps Edelgard finally found a way to absolve herself of her guilt, Rhea thinks to herself. Her mind is not at all clear right now but despite so it makes sense.

She deepens the kiss again, as a reward perhaps or maybe simply because of her own need building.

Gentle licks of her tongue over Edelgard’s lips immediately cause Edelgard to open her mouth and not a moment later Rhea’s tongue finds hers. It’s still slow, but oh so intense as they swirl around each other. Edelgard moans helplessly against Rhea’s lips, a long moan of being overwhelmed by such simple pleasure. Still, Rhea makes noises as well, if only because hearing Edelgard’s whimpers and gasps constantly sends a steady pace of pleasurable sparks down her spine and into her core.

They don’t stop, far from it. Both of them are set on continuing until they’re exhausted. Rhea had thought she’d be the first to lose strength, what with her health, but after minutes of slowly picking Edelgard apart at the seams the girl is trembling in her arms, even needing Rhea’s arms to keep her steady.

Finally Rhea breaks the kiss. “Shhh,” she comforts the other, who was making needy sounds of protest, her mind having gone haywire. “I’m not done yet.”

“Could you take the first few buttons of your dress off? I want to kiss your neck,” she clarifies. Edelgard’s unfocused eyes meet hers and Rhea sees trepidation there. “If you want that is,” adds hurriedly.

With a small lopsided smile Edelgard nods, a dreamy look in her eyes as she opens the first three buttons of her dress. Rhea is on her at once, pulling her close as her lips find the soft skin of Edelgard’s neck. Beginning at the junction of where her shoulder meets her neck Rhea kisses upward and makes sure not a single sensitive spot is missed. The place behind Edelgard’s ear evokes a surprised yelp that ends in a moan from her, clearly Edelgard never realized how sensitive that spot is when someone else touches it.

She’s almost startled when Rhea plays with her ear, first gently kissing the edges before nipping the tip.

Placing a soft kiss on her cheek, Rhea moves downwards to her throat again. She quickly gauges just where Edelgard’s always so modest clothes normally end, somewhere around the base of her neck, and kisses down until she’s underneath that.

Sucking lightly on a spot she feels Edelgard shiver. “May I?” she murmurs in a low voice, knowing Edelgard will understand her intention.

“Mhm,” is the only urgent but still pliant noise Rhea gets in response.

Wasting no time, Rhea sucks on the sensitive spot and at once Edelgard is squirming against her. “ _Rhea,”_ she gasps sharply. “Oh Goddess,” she continues hoarsely as Rhea makes no attempt to go easy on her, only sucking harder to evoke more of those responses.

Not wanting to damage her skin too much she moves over to another a spot closer to the shoulder. Edelgard clutches onto Rhea’s waist for dear life. “Rhea _please,_ ” she begs.

“Please what?” Rhea says against hot and bruised skin. “Use your words.”

“Please… more,” Edelgard says softly, her need not at all masked by the hint of embarrassment she feels.

Rhea smirks against Edelgard’s shoulder and indulges her, indulges the both of them really.

After minutes of sucking, kissing and licking her skin, with even the occasional bite marks, both sides of Edelgard got equal treatment, her skin now full of bruises and bite marks and Edelgard is a panting mess with glazy eyes that struggle to remain focused on Rhea.

When Rhea pulls back to admire her work she notices Edelgard is trembling.

No, they _both_ are.

She raises her hand in front of her and can see her fingers tremble heavily.

It’s for various reasons, with pleasure reigning predominantly, but she’s also just terribly exhausted.

She overexerted her body.

“You’re tired,” Edelgard states with a weary, but still dreamy, look of her own. She smiles at Rhea. “Do you need some rest?”

Something akin to anger flares inside Rhea because she doesn’t _want_ rest… but even anger is hard to keep alight in her. So perhaps she might not want it but she does need it.

“I suppose I do,” Rhea admits begrudgingly. “I had a long and exhausting day, it’s late too and… ah well this was rather taxing as well,” she adds with a laugh.

“Ah,” Edelgard says quietly. “I exhausted you,” she mutters. “I’m sorry, I shall grant you your well-deserved rest.”

Already is she backing away, beginning to scramble to her feet. Abruptly Rhea hates the growing distance between them, it’s cold and she’s not having any of it. Her hand shoots to encircle Edelgard’s wrist.

“Stay,” she rasps. “I want to spend the night with you,” she asks in one rushed breath.

“S-stay?” Edelgard stammers as her eyes grow wide and her cheeks fluster even more than they already are. “Sorry…” she mumbles and Rhea feels her heart break, which surprises her because she didn’t realize just how badly she wanted Edelgard to stay with her. The loneliness that’s sure to follow seems terrifying all of a sudden.

Before Rhea can speak up, apologize and brush it off Edelgard continues. “I… I’m sorry that’s too soon. I’ve never… and I’m not ready… I’m exhausted too. I’d be… unworthy of sleeping with you in my current state of mind,” she explains carefully, looking terribly insecure.

_Oh._

A minor miscommunication then.

“To sleep,” Rhea says hurriedly. “Next to me and with our clothes on. Just sleeping is what I meant,” she says and now it feels as if she’s floundering.

Edelgard looks at her for several excruciatingly long seconds before she turns to look embarrassed. “Oh Goddess,” she squeals. “I’m sorry I thought… I shouldn’t have thought.” Her eyes go hard and she looks displeased. “I’m sorry I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she tells Rhea apologetically and then looks up. Why! Why would I think that,” she goes on and on in an attempt to save face, which in Rhea’s humble opinion doesn’t need saving at all.

“It was suggestive on my part to say the least,” she interjects the rambling girl. “I cannot fault you for thinking that, please.”

“Oh,” Edelgard says stiffly. “Well I cannot fault you either then.” Comes the almost accusing sounding response.

Several more seconds pass until Rhea has herself back under control. Raising an eyebrow at the flustered girl she speaks. “But the question remains.”

They stare at each other for a moment before Edelgard nods once. “I do,” she all but whispers.

Rhea breaks into a smile that’s beyond her control. “Good,” she laughs softly. “I’m glad.”

She becomes aware how truly exhausted is when she looks at the bed and bemoans the fact she only has her cane here by the bed. Because even her legs are trembling and feel weak.

Well, her cane and _Edelgard._

“Could you fetch my crutches? They’re on the chair by my bed,” she asks and Edelgard nods briefly before hurrying to get them and is back with the crutches in seconds. Rhea thankfully takes them from her and with considerable effort she manages to get on her feet, already panting from just that bit of strain.

“Shall I help you?” Edelgard offers. “You can put your arm over my shoulder… or I could carry you… wait you must have that wheelchair that I had purchased here somewhere right?” she says as she glances throughout Rhea’s room.

“Edelgard!” Rhea snaps, shooting the girl an angry look as she tentatively takes the first steps. “I do this _every_ evening on my own. Months ago the pain was much worse but even then still I did it. I do _not_ require your help now just because you and your guilt are present here,” she explains, keeping her tone in-between calm and sharp.

The white haired looks defeated. “I’m sorry,” she says and in the way her voice sounds so choked up Rhea can tell she’s close to crying.

“I meant no offense,” Rhea says more calmly now. “And neither did you. There is no one to blame. It’s just that it’s important to me that I do these things on my own.” She has reached her bed and sits down to give her legs a moment to relax “I must confess I’ve been feeling…. very weak ever since our fight. …And that’s not something I’m comfortable with.”

Edelgard looks surprised. “You? Weak? You’re much stronger than me, even now I always feel as if in your shadow.”

“That’s your guilt talking dear,” Rhea smiles before patting the bed. “Come, do you need a nightgown or can you sleep in your smallclothes?”

Edelgard gives her a look that says she’s not done with their argument and has something left to proof but then grabs her unbuttoned dress and glances underneath it to check what she’s wearing. “These will do,” she says, evoking a smile from Rhea.

The young woman is somewhat endearing this way, flustered but in her element so the stiffness and the calculated behavior is mostly gone.

As Edelgard takes off her dress and shoes Rhea simply slides off the skirt from her legs followed by her slippers. The tunic she was wearing over it is long enough to cover her undergarments and if not she’ll be underneath blankets. It hardly matters to her but Edelgard seems uncomfortable with nudity, even more so than the average noble.

While Edelgard is still busy with unbuttoning and getting her tights off along with other tasks Rhea is already using her hands and even her legs a bit to slide herself upwards onto the headrest so she can slide under the blankets.

Once she’s settled Edelgard is done undressing and crawls onto the bed. Rhea’s breath hitches in her throat at the sight of the loose white long underdress flowing over Edelgard’s body, hiding her skin but not the shapes of her body.

“You look beautiful,” Rhea says without thinking.

She gets a confused look in return. “But I just took off everything that looked beautiful, now there is only me and the things I need to cover my... to cover me.”

“That’s precisely why I said you’re beautiful now,” Rhea smiles. “Clothes can only add to your beauty, they don’t take it from you if you take them off.”

“If only you knew,” Edelgard mumbles and promptly covers herself head to toe with Rhea’s blankets. By the shape Rhea can make out that Edelgard is sitting with her knees drawn up and that she’s doing something with her arms.

Without hesitation Rhea joins her, using her arms to carry herself until she sits next to Edelgard and then throws the blankets over herself as well.

Now they’re together in the darkness, although Rhea can see significantly more than Edelgard.

“You have scars, don’t you?” she asks gently. The conclusion wasn’t hard to draw, not after Rhea learned how involved the Agarthans were with Edelgard’s life from a young age, how her siblings died because of them and likely how she got her second crest.

Under the blanket Edelgard nods, and Rhea can only tell by the way the blanked shifts. “I like to think of them as marks that show my wrongdoings, my sins and crimes,” Edelgard says hollowly.

“That’s not how scars work,” Rhea points out.

“I know that, but it feels as if I deserve these scars, even though I didn’t deserve them when I got them.” Edelgard makes a sound that sound an awful lot like a strangled sob. “I was only ten.” Then her voice hardeners again. “But that girl would become _me_ and I deserve them, seeing them gives me a feeling of peace. That my body is just as tainted as my soul and past.”

Rhea gently wraps her arms around Edelgard and pulls her close. “You’re beautiful and your scars add to them, they are your battle scars. The proof that you have lived and fought for what you believed in.”

“Rhea,” comes the fragile response as Edelgard seems reluctant to lean into Rhea’s arms. “You don’t believe in the things I fought for, right?”

“For the most part, no,” Rhea admits honestly.

“Then how could you say that?”

“Because I believe that you believed in it, and believing that something is a good cause doesn’t have to be a sin.”

Now Edelgard lets herself be pulled closer and for a moment the both of them are quiet.

“I’m hoping,” Rhea starts tentatively, “that you and I can walk the same path from now on. That we find something we both can believe in is the right cause.” She squeezes Edelgard’s wrist gently. “The both of us have been deeply wronged by the Agarthans, I’d say we already have common ground.”

“You would want that?"' Edelgard asks in a soft cry. “With me?” she says with disbelief lacing her voice.

“I wouldn’t let you sit under my blanket with me if I didn’t feel some sort of peace between us.” Rhea reassures her gently. “Come," she says, nudging Edelgard’s shoulder, "let’s get comfortable. These kind of talks are for meetings, during the day preferably."

With less effort than Rhea expected she gets back to her own side of the bed and lies under the cover properly.

A moment later a tear stained face of Edelgard pops up from under the blanket.

She looks so fragile, almost wounded really. It makes Rhea realize that that short conversation under the blanket did tear open some old wounds and Rhea had made little attempt to close them.

“Would you like to lie against me?” she says, as open as she can, afraid she’ll make Edelgard feel forced to oblige otherwise.

“You wouldn’t mind?” comes the vulnerable reply and Edelgard indeed acts like a wounded animal.

“No please, let me hold you,” Rhea rasps, suddenly overcome by this need to keep Edelgard close and comfort her.

Tentatively but with a curious look on her face Edelgard crawls over to her and once she’s within reach Rhea helps her press herself against Rhea’s side.

With Rhea on her back, her head propped up a little in the pillows and Edelgard on her side with her head resting on her shoulder they must make quite the intimate picture. Rhea has wrapped her arm underneath the girl and is gently stroking her back while her other hand is playing with Edelgard’s own where they found each other on Rhea’s abdomen.

Rhea feels as if all kinds of needs are being met inside her. She feels protective and nurturing and finally not so utterly weak and left in the control of others like she feels so often.

“I feel strong now,” Rhea says and once the words have left her lips her strength only increases.

“Why?” comes the soft and curious response, Edelgard’s eyes are slightly hazy already as she sinks in the comfort of Rhea.

“Because of you.”

Edelgard makes a soft content noise as she snuggles even closer against Rhea, who feels ready to take on armies, monsters and everything else if it meant keeping Edelgard safe and close to her.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> Maybe I'll write the actual sex scene in a side chapter, I had it planned out and all, but I want more days to pass between them. otherwise it felt too abruptly.


End file.
